Official Transcript Reveals All

Official Transcript Case Number 40-0918273 CA

Mr. Smith: Your Honor this foreclosure suit was filed over 5 years ago. It is time for judgment to be entered. We have never loaned the Defendant any money, so we can’t be held to have violated any lending laws as the Defendant asserts. We never purchased the loan so we can’t be held for having defrauded anyone as the defendant asserts. We are here on the plaintiff’s motion for summary judgment. Attached to the motion is a nondescript business record showing the payment history of the Defendant, and the date he stopped making payments. The Defendant does not deny he stopped making payments. We left out the trial payments the Defendant made to us for 14 months because we decided not to offer a permanent modification. So we know the Defendant defaulted on the loan. Also attached to the complaint as alleged in the motion is a promissory note that was fabricated in my office, so we know it is the genuine article, contrary to the assertions made by the Defendant. Also attached to the complaint is a mortgage signed by the Defendant. The Defendant does not deny that he signed a note and mortgage at closing. The note and mortgage named the originator of the loan, who also did not loan any money to the Defendant. We have a facially valid allonge, endorsement and assignment that were fabricated in the offices of our vendor in Jacksonville. Each instrument is facially valid, showing a forged signature without authority, two false witnesses and a notary in proper form by virtue of a notary stamp we borrowed from someone in Texas. The signature of the Notary was properly affixed with permission of the Notary in Minnesota by a signatory whose title is that of an official signatory and assistant secretary. Attached to the motion for summary judgment we have an affidavit signed by another assistant secretary of the servicer of the Plaintiff who attests to having familiarity with the records of this loan and affirming that all statements made in the affidavit are true. If Judgment is not entered in favor of the Plaintiff, the entire financial system of this country will collapse because of the many people who bought the loan papers from the originator and still more parties who bought the same loan from the broker dealer who fabricated the deal. It’s a real mess your Honor, and we need to sort it out, starting with the entry of Judgment in this foreclosure. And, oh yes, Your Honor, the servicer presents these facts as agent for the broker dealer who sold bonds to investors who were paid, but they were paid out of their own money that they advanced into the pool. So the amount from the borrower is still due, even thought the proceeds will first go to the servicer, who never made any payments under the servicer advances.

The Court: Mr. Jones?

Mr. Jones: Your Honor, they just admitted to the whole thing being faked, forged, and perjured. You must enter judgment for the Defendant.

Mr. Smith: We never said we faked it. We said we fabricated it. Just because the document was created for the purpose of foreclosing the mortgage doesn’t mean it isn’t valid. It is entitled to a presumption of validity, especially where it has been recorded, which makes it self authenticated even if it is wrong and contains terms, facts and conditions that were plainly untrue.

The Court: I’m afraid he has you there, Mr. Jones, and so I am going to enter Judgment for the Plaintiff, who has been living rent free for 6 years. The creditor, whoever they might be, is entitled to have this house forfeited to recover their damages. No debt should go unpaid simply because of complex transactions on Wall Street. But I am cutting out $29 in inspection fees because they are too high. Judgment is entered for the Plaintiff with a sale date in 90 days, because we have so many of these damn things.

EDITOR’S NOTE: OK I admit it. I made the whole thing up. There is no such case.

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